His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
