btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize