We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
