I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
