he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
