she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
