She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
