She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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