I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
The adults are the big ones right?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
