He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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