I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
