And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
