yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
