How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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