Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
