do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
