So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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