we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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