Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
