Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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