How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
