omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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