I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
