so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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