I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
