so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
