My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
