You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
