Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
