The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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