do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
