So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Also, beer. Big fan.
You're a waste of cheezeits
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
