When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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