I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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