I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
