a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
