I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
