I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
The Olympian is in my bed
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
