I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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