Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
