porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
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