did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
