I don't think brook has ever known best
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
