if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
