You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
