We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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