Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
