If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
