90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I just want nice things and good sex
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
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