I think I am morally bankrupt
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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