I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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