Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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