He disabled his match.com account in front of me
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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