3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
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