It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
