i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I just found a bag of teeth...
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
