Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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