3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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