Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
