You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
