I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
