is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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