oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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