I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize