i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
