I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
