Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
