I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
