The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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