When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Everyone says I win the strip club
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
