theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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