He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
