New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
