see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
