she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
