At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
