i just had sex bonerless
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
