I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
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