Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
